Stranger by the day

Day passed again..
feel like stranger more and more recently..
feel like stranger at home..
im not the owner of the house..
im started to do not know my father,mother more and more..
because of me and my parents..

at schooL..
im nobody..

who is me??

With other people,friends..
i started to change my habit..
try to not do a bad thing..
but more and more i not understand them..
and more i realise that im not them..
sometimes try to avoid them..

but it is me??

my ear doesnt hear my voice..
my voice isn't my voice..
my face is not my expression..
cant talk like the last time..
cant smile like the past time..
cant laugh at people like past time..
cant stand like the last time..
cant do the thing like the last time..

what can i do??!!
Many people say,,
No one is dumb..
A people with a weakness in something..
is just a people with a ability in other thing..
but im not sure about myself..
actually i feel like i can do nothing..


IS it me??!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i lost myself....

A Question Without Answer..

When im in the crowded,
I dont feel comfort..
feel like this is not me..
Then i go away just alone..
with myself..
nOw when Im alone..
I feel bored..
then there is always a reason for me to hate the situations..
even it is not others fault..
sometimes,just hate them..
doesn't matter why,just feel it..
that feeling bigger and bigger then i realize that the more i hate them,
the more i know that..
what i really hate is me myself..

I cannot blame the god..
so i asked him..
I asked him a question and a sentence that i believe that is true..
then
I was waiting one day,one week,one year..
I'm waiting and waiting..
But there is no answer..

When I dunno what to do..
I dunno what to say..
the time doesnt care..
it is spinning without any commands..
sometimes it is so slow..
but sometimes it is so quick..

the time passed..
in the process..
I experienced many thing..
I experienced conflict with others..
I experienced conflict with myself..
and conflict with many things that unseen,but can feel..
then i think i found my answer why god doesnt answer my question..
I think it is because:
He want me to search the answer for my own question..
He doesnt give an answer for a question..
Not a single one..
He give many variable,many possibilities for answers..
He want me to choose,the best for me..
even i think it is bad..

God doesnt want to persue me like the people do in the world..
he doesnt want to say who is right or wrong..
because when the one is right,another is wrong..
In god minds,there is no right or wrong..
there is no wins or loses..
there is no two player..
we are one possision..
even we are different..

If..

If love is blind..why we fall in love??
Everybody wants to get into heaven..but no one wants to die..
Klo anak selalu mesti diajarin ma orang tua..buat apa kta belajar ndiri??
hehe