A Question Without Answer..

When im in the crowded,
I dont feel comfort..
feel like this is not me..
Then i go away just alone..
with myself..
nOw when Im alone..
I feel bored..
then there is always a reason for me to hate the situations..
even it is not others fault..
sometimes,just hate them..
doesn't matter why,just feel it..
that feeling bigger and bigger then i realize that the more i hate them,
the more i know that..
what i really hate is me myself..

I cannot blame the god..
so i asked him..
I asked him a question and a sentence that i believe that is true..
then
I was waiting one day,one week,one year..
I'm waiting and waiting..
But there is no answer..

When I dunno what to do..
I dunno what to say..
the time doesnt care..
it is spinning without any commands..
sometimes it is so slow..
but sometimes it is so quick..

the time passed..
in the process..
I experienced many thing..
I experienced conflict with others..
I experienced conflict with myself..
and conflict with many things that unseen,but can feel..
then i think i found my answer why god doesnt answer my question..
I think it is because:
He want me to search the answer for my own question..
He doesnt give an answer for a question..
Not a single one..
He give many variable,many possibilities for answers..
He want me to choose,the best for me..
even i think it is bad..

God doesnt want to persue me like the people do in the world..
he doesnt want to say who is right or wrong..
because when the one is right,another is wrong..
In god minds,there is no right or wrong..
there is no wins or loses..
there is no two player..
we are one possision..
even we are different..